At this year’s Easter Vigil, Brad Swartz felt like he had found the spiritual home he had long been seeking. Brad was one of the 1,000-plus candidates and catechumens participating in the Order of Christian Initiation of Adults in the Cleveland Diocese who were received into the faith this year.

“To me, the Catholic Church feels very safe, and it has brought to my nervous system some stability and safety that I’ve needed in terms of a church family,” said Brad.

He considers his path to full initiation into the Church a spiritual awakening and part of a healing process that has been years in the making. It also was woven through various religious experiences. Brad explained that he was baptized and grew up in the Lutheran Church. Later in life, he became part of the Evangelical movement. In 2000, he graduated from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School with a master of divinity degree.

“I thought I had a call to be a pastor, to be a church planter (one who starts a new church through missionary work) and carry on the message of Jesus Christ in that fashion,” he said.

But the system and the timing of that plan was unhealthy. God had other plans for Brad that involved some intense self-reckoning and healing.

“Throughout my adult life, I have dealt with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder and trauma in general,” he explained. Brad said he grew up in an alcoholic home where he experienced childhood trauma and never dealt with it.

When he married and had his own family, Brad found himself repeating the cycle of violence by being verbally and emotionally abusive toward his wife and children. He said one of the deepest sorrows of his healing journey has been facing the pain his actions caused his family members and learning that true conversion includes ongoing accountability, reparation and respect for their own healing process.

Five years ago, his wife lovingly — but firmly — gave him a clear ultimatum: begin confronting the harm he was causing, or he would need to move out. She gave him a book that became an initial mirror, helping him begin to face the reality of his anger and controlling behavior. That moment of consequence and desperation became the beginning of his decision to seek help and begin the work of change and ultimately, to find the Church. 

For the past five years, Brad has been engaged in trauma-informed therapy and participating in a 12-step recovery program designed to help individuals recover from violent behavior and stop the cycle of emotional, psychological, or physical violence.

During his healing process, Brad felt the call of the Blessed Mother.

“For so long, I didn’t realize I needed a mother and that there was a Holy Mother available to me. I began to experience a deep sense of Mother Mary’s maternal presence and intercession a few years ago when I started attending Mass,” Brad said.

“She encouraged me to go to Jesus, to go to the Father, and to start praying the rosary,” he added.

“The first time I prayed the whole rosary, a divine peace came over me, and I just felt like I was going to be OK.”

Brad credits the Blessed Mother with helping him to enter a season of repentance, confession and reparation in which he is working to repair the harm done in his family relationships.

To prepare for full initiation into the Church, Brad also went to confession.

“It was one of the most spiritual experiences I’ve ever had,” he recalled. “I have needed to receive forgiveness for my actions; this was a freeing and cleansing experience.”

Brad said participating in OCIA at St. Luke Parish in Lakewood gave him time to process and integrate Catholic theology into his current life.

During the past year, he also felt embraced by the openness and welcoming spirit he received while attending Catholic meetings and events such as Mass on Ash Wednesday at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist.

Brad said receiving the Eucharist for the first time during the Easter Vigil Mass on April 4 was especially meaningful.

“The forgiveness, love and grace that Christ offers through his body is what I have been searching for my whole life,” he said.

“I always felt I did not belong in Christian churches. But I’m accepted here. I feel like I have come home like the prodigal son.” 

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